More analyzing and other things

Besides being the queen of shredding at work today, I have been trying to figure out what my body is doing. Not very successfully though. I'm sure many of you are thinking- "why doesn't she just poas?" Good question, since I am 9dp3dt. As I was telling my buddy at Best When Used By (who just got a fabulous BFP-woohoo!)- I am just not ready to be disappointed yet. I have that whole ignorance is bliss mantra in my head...but is it?

Last night I had mild cramping, no blood. Although I went to the bathroom 100 times to make sure. This morning, nothing. This afternoon, nothing except this very low baseline cramp- you know the ones that you barely feel? What is up with that? Is it good, bad, none of the above?

I've done this every single time- 4 IUIs, 6 IVFs. I'm pooped and my head hurts from it all.

Yesterday in general was a tough day for me. I'm missing my Mom terribly. I wouldn't always let her into the details of each IVF cycle because I would get annoyed to quickly. She would usually jump to the "Leave it in Gods hands, he has a plan" mode. Not sure about everyone else but when I'm down in this ^$@#- that phrase is one of the last ones I need to hear. So I would get annoyed and quickly get off the phone with her. Yesterday, it was the only thing I wanted to hear. I would take it any day. I know she is with me but it hurts to not hear her voice. And the damn truth of it all is that she is probably right- she was always right eventually.

Here comes my shiny bright side of things and podium speech: it is Friday and my husband just booked us a week at the Cape from the 20th-24th. No matter what the result is- we are going away. Because regardless of this 2 week wait, regardless of the outcome, we are still married and to me, that outweighs any kind of cramp in my body right now. First and foremost, we are Clean Slater's and nothing defines us more than us.

Here's to the weekend!